These last two weeks without our little girl have been challenging. Feelings of sorrow, emptiness, anger, and regret are a deep part of our daily lives. But along with those feelings also comes gratitude, comfort, peace, and love. Each day we miss being able to see Cait and feel of her sweet spirit. She brought a feeling of being complete to our family and now we feel her absence. We have wondered how life is supposed to go on without Cait, and yet somehow it keeps going.
Cait brought so much to our lives, and still does. She has taught us how special each day is with the ones we love. We find ourselves loving Celtin and Aiden a little deeper, holding their hands a little longer and hugging them a little tighter. It's not so hard to stop what we're doing and really listen.
Cait was and is our daughter. That alone is one of the best gifts we could have ever hoped for. The gift of knowing we will be with her again is, at times, our only consolation. Cait makes us want to be better everyday, for we know that is what makes our family eternal. What a blessing it is know that we have a little angel waiting for us all to be together again. Cait was able to fulfill her mission in the 16 days she was here on earth and now we must be sure to complete ours.
We can only imagine what she must feel, being separated from her earthly family. But she now has a perfect knowledge of the grand scheme of things. Oh to be so lucky to have the big picture laid out in front of us. But that is where our faith and love come into play.
We would like to thank all of you that have been so supportive during this time in our lives. We know that our joys have been your joys, and our sadness your sadness as well. It is comforting to know that our little girl was able to touch so many lives. We hope you have been blessed by knowing Cait and gained faith and strength from her experiences. This is how Cait will live on for all of us. We can all try a little harder to be a little better.
~With Love and Thanks,
Dale & Candice
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Cait's Obituary
LAYTON- Our precious little girl, Caitlyn (Cait) Faye Hawkins, returned to our Heavenly Father's arms on December 7, 2009. She was welcomed into this world on November 21, 2009 by her parents Dale and Candice Marie Lattin Hawkins and two brothers, Celtin and Aiden. Cait was strong; able to beat the odds stacked against her but was unable to overcome the unforeseen.
Her sweet spirit blessed our lives in the 16 days that we were able to spend with her. We look forward to the day we will be with her again.
Caitlyn is survived by her parents; her brothers; grandparents C.D. and Karolyn Hawkins (Ogden), Michael and Gwendolyn Lattin (Liberty); and great-grandmother Veon Harvey (Clearfield).
Funeral services will be held on Friday, December 11, 2009 at 2:00 p.m. at Myers Mortuary in Layton, 250 N. Fairfield Road where friends and family may call from 1 to 1:45 p.m. prior to the service.
Interment will be in Myers Evergreen Memorial Park.
Monday, December 7, 2009
16 Days of Blessings
Today we unexpectedly had to say goodbye to our sweet little girl. The infection was too much for her little body to recover from. The doctors and nurses did all that they could and were willing to keep trying but Cait let us know that she'd had enough, she opened her eyes and looked right at Mom and Dad and told us "No more." They then took her off all the tubes and we were able to hold her as she left this world. We were able to have 16 days with this precious little girl and we look forward to the day we can be with her again. We would write more but emotions are too high tonight. Thank You everyone for all your love and support.
-Dale and Candice
-Dale and Candice
Sunday, December 6, 2009
The Good with the Bad
We have been blessed to have Cait do so well this last week. Recognizing these blessings helps to take the sting off the bad days, just a bit. Cait had a challenging day. Candice had gone up to the hospital to be with Cait, while the boys and I went to church. After a spiritually overwhelming sacrament meeting, I was greeted by a good family friend sent by Candice to relay the news that Cait was not doing well and that I needed to get to the hospital ASAP.
Cait had developed an infection and her lungs were looking slightly collapsed, she stopped breathing for a time because of the infection. Not good. She is stable now, but is back on a ventilator and tubes everywhere helping to sustain life once again. I have been blessed to give her another blessing and once again felt a strength and power not of my own with me during this sacred experience.
On the way to the hospital I had this strong sense of sorrow and gratitude. Yes, gratitude. I am so grateful that Cait has done so well for so long. She has been blessed. But with my gratitude comes an understanding knowing that with the good comes gratitude, and with the bad comes faith.
~Dale
Cait had developed an infection and her lungs were looking slightly collapsed, she stopped breathing for a time because of the infection. Not good. She is stable now, but is back on a ventilator and tubes everywhere helping to sustain life once again. I have been blessed to give her another blessing and once again felt a strength and power not of my own with me during this sacred experience.
On the way to the hospital I had this strong sense of sorrow and gratitude. Yes, gratitude. I am so grateful that Cait has done so well for so long. She has been blessed. But with my gratitude comes an understanding knowing that with the good comes gratitude, and with the bad comes faith.
~Dale
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Little Smiles
Yesterday and today have been great days with Cait. She has continued to lower her oxygen needs and is handling her feedings very well, eating a little over 1/2 ounce every three hours. Her big accomplishment today is that she has now started to gain weight instead of lose it. Tuesday she was down to 2lbs 2oz and today she is 2lbs 4oz. YEAH! Cait has also started physical therapy as her shoulders and elbows are pretty stiff from not being able to move too much while inside. Today the PT showed me how to do Caits stretches so we can do them when we are with her. It kinda reminds me of a Jane Fonda workout for preemies.
The nurses have been letting me help with diaper changes, taking her temperature, and making sure her mouth stays moist since she likes to sleep with it hanging open. It feels so good to be able to do something for her instead of just sit and stare. Yesterday her nurse even let me hang out with her with the blue lights turned off for a few minutes. This means she didn't have to have her little suntanning goggles on and could open her eyes. Seeing my daughter open her eyes for the first time was quite overwhelming. It's amazing what you can see when you look in your child's eyes, I finally got to have a little glimpse of HER and not just her body. To top it all off she gave me quite a few little grins. Melted my heart.
We haven't had the chance to hold her yet but that day will come. Dale and I are more than ready but we don't want to cause her any unnecessary stress when she is doing so well, so we will wait. Her nurse last night showed me some ways I can "hold" her while she's in her isolet. Cait really seemed to like it as she snuggled right down and zonked out.
She is such a sweetheart and I just can't seem to get enough of her. My time at the hospital seems to fly by much too quickly. We are still trying to get a schedule down with the boys, work, school, daily life, the NICU, and don't forget the pump. It's been pretty crazy this week and I want to say Thank You to everyone who have pitched in and helped with the boys and dinners. You have all been lifesavers. We are so grateful to have such wonderful friends and family around us. Thank You again for all that you do for me and my family.
-Candice
The nurses have been letting me help with diaper changes, taking her temperature, and making sure her mouth stays moist since she likes to sleep with it hanging open. It feels so good to be able to do something for her instead of just sit and stare. Yesterday her nurse even let me hang out with her with the blue lights turned off for a few minutes. This means she didn't have to have her little suntanning goggles on and could open her eyes. Seeing my daughter open her eyes for the first time was quite overwhelming. It's amazing what you can see when you look in your child's eyes, I finally got to have a little glimpse of HER and not just her body. To top it all off she gave me quite a few little grins. Melted my heart.
We haven't had the chance to hold her yet but that day will come. Dale and I are more than ready but we don't want to cause her any unnecessary stress when she is doing so well, so we will wait. Her nurse last night showed me some ways I can "hold" her while she's in her isolet. Cait really seemed to like it as she snuggled right down and zonked out.
She is such a sweetheart and I just can't seem to get enough of her. My time at the hospital seems to fly by much too quickly. We are still trying to get a schedule down with the boys, work, school, daily life, the NICU, and don't forget the pump. It's been pretty crazy this week and I want to say Thank You to everyone who have pitched in and helped with the boys and dinners. You have all been lifesavers. We are so grateful to have such wonderful friends and family around us. Thank You again for all that you do for me and my family.
-Candice
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Doing Well
Cait is doing well. She started eating Mommy milk yesterday and was keeping it down pretty well last night. They tried to start her on milk last Saturday but she was spitting up a lot. Her little tummy was still asleep from the sedative she had been on all week.
She has started to be able to cry which is wonderful to hear but also breaks my heart at the same time. She sounds like a baby kitten. We haven't been able to hold her yet which is okay. We would rather wait until she is strong enough than push her into something she isn't ready for. We can put our hand over her and she seems to really love being "held" that way. She calms right down and goes to sleep.
Our new goal for Cait is to get off of the photo therapy lights. Her bilirubin levels are continuing to come down. Yesterday she was at a 5 with her highest level having been a 13 on Friday. She needs to be at a 3 or 4 to come off the lights. Today she will be seeing the physical therapist as her joints are a little stiff from being in such a tight space for so long.
I have started to become quite a fussy mother being concerned over every little thing. Her ear lobe is bent, her wires are between her fingers, her mouth looks dry, there's too much condensation in her oxygen tube, things like that. She has been through so much and I want her to be as comfortable as possible.
It's amazing how much love such a little person can bring to your life. For the longest time we didn't think we would get to be with this little girl and each moment with her is a gift. She is so very sweet and we hope for the day that we will all be together.
-Candice
She has started to be able to cry which is wonderful to hear but also breaks my heart at the same time. She sounds like a baby kitten. We haven't been able to hold her yet which is okay. We would rather wait until she is strong enough than push her into something she isn't ready for. We can put our hand over her and she seems to really love being "held" that way. She calms right down and goes to sleep.
Our new goal for Cait is to get off of the photo therapy lights. Her bilirubin levels are continuing to come down. Yesterday she was at a 5 with her highest level having been a 13 on Friday. She needs to be at a 3 or 4 to come off the lights. Today she will be seeing the physical therapist as her joints are a little stiff from being in such a tight space for so long.
I have started to become quite a fussy mother being concerned over every little thing. Her ear lobe is bent, her wires are between her fingers, her mouth looks dry, there's too much condensation in her oxygen tube, things like that. She has been through so much and I want her to be as comfortable as possible.
It's amazing how much love such a little person can bring to your life. For the longest time we didn't think we would get to be with this little girl and each moment with her is a gift. She is so very sweet and we hope for the day that we will all be together.
-Candice
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